You’ve Got to Have Friends!

It’s the friends you can call up at 4am that matter.”

-Marlene Dietrich


Dear Reader:

I’ve been very quiet lately and the friends who know me best have guessed why. Nearly four months ago, my husband and I moved from Carmel to Sacramento and I still haven’t quite caught my breath. Despite the fact that I love my new home and neighbors, I’ve felt overwhelmed, disoriented and sad. So, I’ve retreated …which is my way. It’s particularly easy to do that in the darkness of winter.

I haven’t wanted to share my unhappiness with others because it seems incredibly unwarranted. But, I began reaching out to my friends this week and they’ve reminded me of some basic truths.

Change, even positive change, is difficult.

My lovely friend waited until she was 50 years old for the right man to appear and she married him less than a year ago. Now she’s adjusting to her new home, role and life. She’s lost her desire to create and, as she put it, entered a period of “hibernation.” She wrote: “No doubt you and I will move through this season ( it’s just a season, after all) and blossom with new insights and greater creativity …in time.”

Your problems may not be BIG problems, but you’re entitled to them!

One of my friends lost her home several months ago. Just as wildfires were gobbling up California, her home was destroyed when a chemical fire spontaneously combusted in her garage. She was on vacation and got the news while she floated on a boat beside her husband. She’s negotiating with the insurance company who insists the value of her lost home is $80,000 less than the construction company does.

I felt guilty complaining that the carpet we had installed the week before we moved in was going to have to be ripped out and replaced due to an incredibly poor install. And yet, all she had to offer was compassion. “How frustrating!” she said after agreeing that moving was a major upset.

Each stage of life offers rewards and challenges.

One of my dearest friends is feeling the loneliness that comes from having grown children and a husband with a demanding career. She is truly one of the kindest people I’ve ever known and so it pains me greatly to hear her express doubt about her purpose. I wonder silently if it isn’t enough that she is such a generous person.

And finally, we’ve all got problems! Friends are there to remind us that we’re not alone.

May you all be blessed with friends as good as mine!




16 thoughts on “You’ve Got to Have Friends!

    1. Thanks for teaching me something! Kia Kaha! Love it! I’m going to pass it on to my daughter who is working her way through her final year of college!

  1. We DO have to have friends! I am glad yours are helping you navigate this tricky passage, and that you are being kind to yourself in the transition, Michelle. We are lucky to have amazing friends…and I’m thinking we need to learn how to ‘friend’ ourselves, too… All the best, and thanks for a thoughtful/thought-provoking post!!!

      1. My college age daughter sent me a text last night saying: good for you, Mom. I see you are blogging and checking instagram! Keeps us young!

  2. What an honest post, Michele. Beautifully expressed. And no doubt very relatable to many. Love you and so looking forward to seeing you soon!😊❤️❤️❤️

  3. Michelle, I have missed you! Consider me your online friend. I kept wondering where you’ve been over the past month or two. You must have seen a ray of light shining in the darkness or you would not have written your post. Thankfulness is a great way to battle despair. All the best!

  4. Yes, very lovely and thoughtful. It is great to have friends to support us through the ups and downs. Always thinking of you and our time well spent. Love and Hugs. Xo

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