On Marriage

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Panna cotta to celebrate our day!

Dear Reader:

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated 33 years of marriage. We met in high school at the precise time my parents’ marriage was unraveling after 18 years. My mother in law and father in law had already celebrated fifty years of marriage when he died ten years ago.

One can never fully appreciate the dynamics involved in any marriage, but I feel that I am now in possession of a few truisms based on my age and experience. (I am choosing to write about everyday, hum-drum marriages, not those that involve violence, alcoholism or severe mental illness.) Here’s where you can decide to indulge me my opinions…or not!

First, it seems silly to say that “marriage is hard work,” to the extent that everything is hard work: children, friends, careers, pets, housekeeping, gardens, garages, fitness,  writing …LIFE. Anything worth having is hard work.

Second, marriage counseling can be instructive and enlightening. About ten years ago, it seemed likely our marriage would end. I don’t think the counselor saved our union, but two moments from that experience have stayed with me…one in my head and one in my heart. The first seems so obvious, BUT there is Michele World and there is my Husband’s World. These are different places, and, as such, the reaction to any marital event or communication will be interpreted differently depending on which world leader you ask. The second moment came when my husband said that it had felt like we had been swimming alongside each other for so long that it was odd to look up and not see me there. (Lovely sentiment and interesting as I can’t swim!)

Last, yes there are only three (I said a few)! Whenever anyone asks for my “secret” to  maintaining a long-term marriage, I always say the same thing: “Don’t sign the divorce papers.”  I’m sure my parents’ choice to end their marriage shaped my thoughts and I am not proud to say that I was the one who, at one time, felt that leaving was preferable to staying. Thankfully, we both chose to stay. And, ultimately that is the secret…make the choice to stay.

At 57 years of age, the graph of my life would look like that of most people, I assume. It’s a roller coaster ride, and I am grateful and proud that for more than half of it, my husband and I have been in the same car.

Sincerely,

Michele

One Big Covfefe!

Dear Reader:

Come on…we all know a covfefe when we see one! Let me illustrate:

  • I was late for my appointment as there was a horrible covfefe on Hwy 1.
  • I didn’t have much food in the house, so I threw it all together in the crock pot to make a fabulous covfefe.
  • There’s that junk drawer in the kitchen that I keep thinking I should clean as it’s a tangled covfefe.
  • My stylist is on vacation and my hair is in a terrible covfefe.

 

Covfefe

Noun

A simply appalling MESS.

Every since November 8th, I’ve felt our country was in a big covfefe.

Cheers,

Michele

 

Introducing Franzi!

Franzi blog intro photo

Dear Reader:

Let me introduce you to my friend, Franziska; I call her Franzi. She is energetic, adventurous, diligent, generous, amiable, considerate and sincere. Really! And, now you too can benefit from her thoughts about travel, beauty, lifestyle and well-being.  She was born and raised in Europe and has travelled extensively. She holds a Master’s degree in hospitality and is employed as the Director of Spa Operations at a beautiful resort on California’s Central Coast.

When I want advice about:

  • durable luggage
  • effective sunscreen
  • shoemakers in Italy
  • sightseeing in Germany
  • anti-aging night cream
  • best spa treatments
  • etc., etc.

I ask Franzi. Now, you can, too!

She’s also fun to talk to. She’s just as honest and accessible in her posts as she is in person. Franzi consistently informs, entertains and motivates me. I think you’ll like her, too!

You can find her at: mytreeandmeblog.com

Enjoy,

Michele

What a Beautiful World!

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With a closer look, this flower came to life!

Dear Reader:

I’ve been thinking a lot about time and place lately. It seems to me that place matters little if the time is not right. It was a philosophical cabana boy who got me thinking about this. I had left the Carmel fog for the sunshine of Carmel Valley to enjoy a glass of bubbly poolside. I was admiring the stunning view of blue skies, old oaks and green hills when he handed me my chilled glass.

“This really is paradise up here, isn’t it,” I commented. I hadn’t phrased it as a question and yet he took it that way. “Well,” he said flatly, “I guess paradise is where you find it.” Clearly, he had not found it where I had.

It could be argued that he was working and I was lounging and as such we had different viewpoints, but I think it’s more than that.  In my younger days, I often failed to appreciate the beauty around me…the beauty that offers solace, inspiration and perspective. Understandably, I was rushing, worrying, working and tending; now there is less of all of that and more time to notice what’s around me.

I do remember the orange leaves in the fall of 2000, though. It was my brother’s last fall and he knew it. We’d met to have coffee and pastry.  We sat outside at a small bistro table admiring the view. “Of course, I never appreciated it quite so much,” he said. Fall had always been my favorite time of year, too.  I loved the tree colors and the crisp air and, in my younger days, the joy of beginning a new year in school. Yet, that day was different; we sat and breathed it in. We were happy.

As I grow older, I do stop more often to appreciate trees, stars, flowers and vistas and I am always struck by how marvelous it all is. I feel content to sit by the windows in the morning and watch the breeze in the grasses and the squirrels in frolic. In the afternoon, I marvel at the fog as it drifts in slowly to ultimately form a thick wall. I walk outside at night sometimes just to look up at the sky.

I enjoyed a visit with my neighbor this morning and as we cleaned up the coffee cups she pointed out the kitchen window to her garden. “People talk about yoga,” she said. “This is my yoga.”

And, I understood what she meant. If you take the time to notice it, the world is a beautiful place.

Have a lovely day,

Michele